Tears

A friend from high school went into labor on Saturday. After 40 weeks of growing a baby and 23 tough hours of labor, she delivered a baby boy who's heart stopped beating just minutes after delivery. The doctors were not able to revive him.

My heart broke when I heard the news last night. Though she and her husband live far away from me, I had been attentively following the progress of her pregnancy through the wonders of the internet.

How do you express the grief and devastation you feel for someone when you're so far away?

I struggled in sending her a message to convey my condolences, because, how do you tell someone whom you rarely talk to that you grieve for them? That you would wish away their pain? That though you yourself have never felt such a grievous loss, you are crying for them?

I don't know how to talk to her about it and I probably won't because by the time I might see her, it will be months from now. And then how would I bring it up?

As I think about this tragedy, I contemplate my future in medicine. I know that someday, one day, not too far in the future, I will be the doctor giving the news of a loved one's death. I don't think I will ever be able to do so without crying.

Last month, I stood by as my attending physician broke the news to family after family. Working in an ICU, this is an incredibly common occurance. I teared up each time.

It will be worse in Pediatrics. Far worse. And when I think of it, I dread having children of my own, to spare myself the potential heartache. Because no matter what stage you lose a child in, you have lost a child and a parent should never have to bury their child.

But we can't think like this. If we thought this way with everything, would we ever truly live?

We have to take those chances in life in order to experience life.

We have to push past the doubts that plague every decision and live. We have to live.

Oh How Things Are a Changin'

I think it's funny when people criticize someone for doing something outrageous and then just short weeks/months/year later it becomes a fad.

It's a sick pleasure I get from finding others' faux pas. I'm from a small town. We judge. I'm just going to attribute my severe criticism to that. Cool beans? Baller.

Anywho, as a good example of this is as follows:

In November of 2010, Khloe Kardashian wore the hat pictured below.

Meh. It's ok. Not really my style. In fact, it seemed, at the time, that it wasn't actually anybody's style but Khloe's. She was run through the gauntlet for wearing that hat. People mocked her and criticized her for months!

I'm not a Kardashian fan, per se, but I don't see the point in throwing someone under the bus quite so thoroughly for something as innocent as wearing a fun hat.

And then, a couple weeks ago, some friends and I went ice skating in downtown Detroit. And, lo and behold, these hats were EVERYWHERE!!!

Everyone was wearing them! Adults and children alike! The picture above was an actual stand by the ice rink selling the hats for $35! And people were clamoring for them! Especially the Angry Birds ones.

I like to think Detroit has some sense of city style. (Yeah, yeah, I know, Detroit is a hole.... but I like the hole! And I'm pretty convinced all bad-ass winter style originated in Detroit). Moving on.

I was fairly surprised to see these hats on every other head just over a year after the Khloe K. debacle. So I did a little research and I found that these hats are for sale EVERYWHERE!

You can buy them online, in Macy's, and even on the streets of Detroit!

And if you're super into having High End fashion, or just want to look like Khloe, you can even purchase a very similar edition HERE for just a mere $139!

But please, if you're going to follow this trend, please, Please, PLEASE, do it better than my lil sis did. I'm sorry, Kate, but Nemo is not exactly the animal that this trend is supposed to be modeling....

Scrubs didn't teach me this stuff

After a long 4 weeks in the Emergency Room, I won't lie, I learned a lot!

I will be listing a few of the hi-lights of my mandatory time in the following bullet points. If you have no desire to understand more about the inner workings of a South Detroit ER or you find my medical school ramblings tiring, tune in later this week when I shall be discussing something much more stimulating such as Dunny's or stories from Impromptu Roommate Date Night.

To those of you still in attendance, beware, the following tidbits of information might make you not want to attend your local ER. Either that or you'll be sure to charge your smart phone to take videos the next time you come to visit....

• Name Game.

There will always be someone in the ER with an odd name. Without fail, someone comes in with some bass-ackwards way of pronouncing a simple name, or their parents just strung a bunch of random vowels and consonants together. It. Is. Ridiculous! And entertaining to see who can figure out how to pronounce it first.

• Style
  
  
  
  People dress up to come into the ER like they dress up to go to Walmart. If you've never been to an ER to see some of this eye-catching style, just pop on over to People of Walmart.

You get the idea now?

• Children

There is always a parent who, regardless of age or race or economic status or number of children, will bring their child into the ER at some God-awful time.... And more often than not, they have no good reason to be in the ER. None whatsoever.

• 9-1-1
  Approximately 1/2 of all 9-1-1 calls are for things that EMS is not needed. As in, the callers should have called their Family Doctor, not 9-1-1.

• Longest. Wait. Ever.

The reason you wait so long in the ER is because you are not the only person in the ER. Either that or you're one of the people who shouldn't be there and we're making you wait because we can't handle the stupidity......

• Favorites

We don't pick favorites. Usually the patient we're spending more time with than you is actually significantly more sick than you are. And by that I mean, they're probably on the actual verge of death rather than you're perceived "I'm dying from this back pain I've had for 6 years"

• Yes, the food sucks.

Trust me, I know. I've eaten it, and worse. But while you're getting 2 hour old chicken with mashed potatoes from a bag and jello-like gravy, I'm chowing down on Graham Crackers. Yep, I get Graham Crackers and ginger ale for my lunch, dinner, and snack during my 10 hour shift. I know, you're jealous...

• Sutures

They're way more scary for the person putting in the stitches than for the person receiving the stitches. And, if you work it just right, you can make that forehead laceration look like a Harry Potter scar, though you might want to check with the patient first.

• Temperature

A fever isn't truly a fever unless you measure over 100.4 degrees Fahrenheit. Nor is it a true body temperature unless it is measured rectally. Yep, thermometer in your butt.

• Glove Up

One should wear gloves at all times in Emergency Room. And you should wear a mask. Even if you're the patient. At all times.

• Drugs

If you're looking to score something, legal and illegal, you are likely to find someone in the ER to give them to you. Although, the doctors are far less accommodating than the patients.

• Nurses

Best. People. Ever.

And they're not afraid to tell the truth to anyone. And I mean anyone!

Ok. I think that's enough for tonight. The ER is a scary place, I don't really recommend it. But ER's are staffed by some really brilliant doctors, and they have more grace than I have ever been able to muster.

Also, show some love to your local emergency personnel, especially those who drive the emergency vehicles with the sirens. If you hear a siren and see flashing lights, just pull over. They need the space to drive and they might be saving a life. Give 'em a brake! (har har)

Before I Pass Out....

I really need to pass along the award I received.

Sorry. I'm working night shift this week and my transition from days/afternoons to night (11pm to 7am) has been less than ideal.... Actually, it's been horrible! I will be so relieved on Thursday when I am officially finished with this month, not to mention the fact that I'll be finished with nights!

I think I might sleep for 2 days just because I can. Mmmmm.....sleep....zzzzzz......

WHAT? Huh? Oh. Sorry...

Ok. On to the task at hand.

The first person I would like to award is my sweet sweet friend Todd. We became friends the first week of med school but it took us about 6 months to realize we had actually interviewed together! I don't know how many hours we spent talking and laughing and crying together the first 2 years of school. We're so much alike it's kind of scary; he admits I'm his long lost sister! He's one of the sweetest guys I know and definitely deserves a sweet award!

Secondly, I would like to award someone who probably doesn't know I read her blog quite as avidly as I do. Her photos are so incredible I can't go another day without acknowledging them!!! So Mrs Tam "TLJ" Jacobs gets a sweet award for her super sweet photos!

And finally, to a dear dear friend who is just weeks away from her first trip to Africa! I am so super excited for her trip and cannot wait to hear all about it as she heard all about mine when I was in Africa! So, my dear Annie Crannie, I award you for your sweet moves in getting yourself to Africa! You are a blessing every day and will be an incredible blessing to everyone you meet on your trip! Love you tons lady!

And now, I should sleep. Well, first I'm going to eat pancakes, then I'm going to sleep.

Soon I shall tell you all about the things I've learned in the ER this month..... oh the stories!!!

My First AWARD!!!

I must be a real blogger now, I've actually received an award on my blog!!! And from a very dear friend too: Ms. PaddedCellPrincess herself!

If you haven't read her blog ever, you are sorely missing out!

The stipulations of this award are that I must list 7 facts about myself and then present the award to other worthy bloggers. Who to choose, who to choose....

Let's start with the facts, that might be easier.

1. I am currently working in the ER. I don't really like it; not at all. It stresses me out. And I want to find out what happens to them after the ER and I never do....

2. I made granola by myself for the first time today! My mom used to make it all the time when we were kids because she refused to buy "sugar cereals" for us. But I've never actually made it myself. Yum!

3. The book I'm reading right now is over 1000 pages. Yep, I'm reading the "Game of Thrones" series. They. Are. Awesome! And extremely long...... It's really a wonder I get around to blogging at all these days!

4. I have a roommate. I haven't really talked about her a lot, but now that she reads my blog (she just found out I have a blog yesterday) I should probably give her some blovin' (that's blog lovin'). H is super tall and entertainment galore. She likes to make fun of me and my messiness. We watch a lot of "How I Met Your Mother" and "Big Bang Theory" and we do a lot of Pinterest.

5. Today's award/mention from the Princess is not my only mention in the last 24 hours. I got a sweet shout-out from my dear friend Todd over at Engineering a Med Student!

6. I found out this past Monday where I am headed for residency. It is a very important day in a medical student's life when they find out where they match for residency, if you even match. We put all our eggs in this one basket and run the major risk of not being chosen. It is amazing to be chosen, not to mention being chosen by my first choice. So I'm moving to Tulsa, Oklahoma! Woohoo! I'm gonna learn me how t' line dance!

7. By the way, I burned said granola. But it still tasted ok, ask my roomie. Just don't tell anyone, ok?

Now to pass it on....

this seems rather daunting at the moment, I haven't slept much lately....

Until I wake up tomorrow then!

Slumber Parties!

I know I'm old and kids these days have far better things to do than plan sleepovers for Friday nights after school, but I sometimes wish I could go back to those days. I miss making plans with a friend on Thursday at school and racing home that afternoon to beg my mom to let them come over on Friday after school!

I didn't often do a lot for my birthday, I'd usually invite 3 or 4 friends over for a slumber party because I loved having them! I usually picked some silly girly theme like Shirley Temple or Baby Doll or Horses and would rent a movie to go along with it.

I never got that pony I wanted as a kid, even though I did my best to convince my mom that the privately owned field behind our house was a perfect place to tie up my future horse, so I'm pretty sure I had at least 3 Horse-themed birthday parties not to mention all the slumber parties....

Admittedly, there hundreds of horse movies that I could have rented : Black Beauty, National Velvet, Seabiscuit, Man From Snowy River, and so many more.

Nonetheless, the only horse movie I ever wanted to rent was "Wild Hearts Can't be Broken". I have no real idea why this movie was so important to me, but I adored it!

Even now thinking about it, I get misty-eyed! Did you know it is based on a true story?

I was thinking about this movie today because there was a businessman in New Jersey trying to bring back horse diving to the Atlantic City Pier. His plans have officially fallen through due to animal welfare activists. It is a shame, I would have paid good money to go see it myself. C'est la vie.

Glass Slipper

It's Valentine's Day today. And after working an incredibly busy shift in the ER, enjoying a glass of wine out of a coffee mug (I. Am. Classy.), and watching "An Affair to Remember", I found this quote.

I loved it immediately. I still love it. So I utilized my extremely mediocre computer skills and put the quote together with a beautiful pic I found via Google. I'm really only putting it here because I'm really not sure how else to pin it to Pinterest.

Hugs & Kisses, both chocolatey and literally!