try as we might, even if we never hold a job a single day in our lives, we still have to do some kind of work for the things we want and need in life. even the playboy bunnies have to put effort into life to be able to live in the mansion and go to all those parties.
but it gets old. even if you absotively posilutely love what you do, it gets old. i love my job working with people every day and helping them live better, but there are days when i really want it to end.... and then i remember that when i get home, i still have to study for whatever test/board exam is coming up next.
it feels like i'm swimming up stream! like every moment i'm walking on eggshells and fighting against wilds of the Fire Swamp (Princess Bride reference). my life is precariously balanced and it. is. exhausting!
it gets really hard when patients expect so so so much from me and everyone else in the hospital, but have no desire to compensate us for the work. i recently worked with a doctor who was in some litigation with a patient who was trying to get out of paying for all her visits for her "chronic back pain". it makes me sad. not one of us would walk out of a restaurant expecting to not pay. we wouldn't drive off a car lot in a new car claiming we don't owe any money.
when i get this way, i remind myself of a few key verses:
Do what you're told by your earthly masters. And don't just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you'll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you're serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn't cover up bad work.
Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.
i know this is where i am supposed to be and this is what i have been called to do. but it's not easy. and being in a city like Detroit you see a lot of heart break and people in very tough places.
yet, i wouldn't change it for the world. i take one day at a time. i look forward to each morning waking up to the task that has been set before me and finding the way i can make each person around me a little happier, make their day a little easier, make the pain a little less to bear.
wisdom from my mom: let go and let God.