Monday, August 20, 2012

In the words of Martha Washington....

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not really living; like I'm missing out on life; like I took a wrong turn somewhere...

I don't know how it happened. How I got here. How I seemingly fell asleep for so long in my own life.

This isn't the first time I've tried to write on this topic. I have a feeling it won't be the last either. It's not easy for me to write, I hate admitting my own insecurities. Nonetheless, I know I will have to confront it eventually.

I have spent the last 10 years of my life working toward this place I am now; more specifically I have spent the most recent 4 years becoming a doctor. During all of that work and adventure and learning it seems time has flown by and I forgot to grow up.

I still feel like I'm 18! And all my friends have grown up without me. Do you remember that movie "13 Going On 30"? You know, the one with Jennifer Garner where she suddenly wakes up 17 years later and she hasn't really lived her life yet. I feel like during the time I spent in college, traveling, applying to and surviving medical school everything kept going and I didn't change one bit.

I love my job! Don't think I don't. I am so grateful to wake up each morning and head off to the hospital to do what I love for people who truly need my help. But....

I am quickly on my way to 30 and I'm still single. And, let's be honest, I have very few prospects at this point... And now I have so few single friends, I am becoming a professional 3rd wheel!

Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with my friends and it brings me endless joy to see them happy with their significant other. I am so grateful that my friends have chosen to fall in love with and commit their to some pretty amazing people. It is really fun to spend time with my friends when I (and they) get along so well with their SO's.

And yet, I am bummed. I hate being the single one, ALWAYS the single one. Often the one to whom my friends say, "We want/wanted/would set you up with _____".... Lord knows I need the help. Nonetheless, night after night, I sit at home alone. I go to my friends' weddings alone. I send myself flowers for Valentine's Day.

Then, when I do finally come to the point of feeling almost at ease with my single status, a MILLION and one friends announce on Facebook that they're expecting. Crap! And just when I thought being single was ok...

I think of the amazing relationships and lives my friends are creating and wonder when will it happen for me? When will I find my love? Or have I already let it slip through my fingers? Have I missed out on the chance to build a family and be a mother, wife, lover? And if I have, am I ok with that?

And then, I take a deep breath and let it go.
I close that part of my heart and turn back to the task at hand.
There are children out there who need healing.
There are parents who need teaching.
There is work to be done.
I pick my head up, I pull my shoulders back, I put on my smile.
I put aside my grief.
I step back into my reality and remember why I am doing this.
I am Wonder Woman.
I am a Confident Woman.
I am a Doctor Woman.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

A Gentleman

I love this quote!
Couldn't figure out how to pin it...thus the shameless use of my blog to pin it.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

How to Fix Healthcare

I am incredibly appalled at this article!

Mr Lehrer clearly did not do his research. He has no idea how much a year of medical school costs; I WISH it was only $20,000 a year! Sheesh!!! He has no idea how much doctors really make. Maybe $200,000 is possibly earned in a given year by a primary care physician, but factoring in overhead costs and paying off loans there is no way that a basic PCP earns that much money.

And then there is this retort:

Wow! And by a real doctor too. I think he nailed it! Well almost all of it.

I know most people in the great US of A have concerns over their healthcare and the rising costs. If you know me via Facebook you have probably read a status update or two from me bemoaning my own issues with my insurance company. First they doubled my monthly payment because I was "prime baby-making age" (yes, those are the exact words). Then they decided to no longer cover my Well Woman visits to my doctor. Since when is it not recommended to get an annual physical? Most recently, they announced they would no longer cover "elective" blood work. Who decides what is "elective" or not? Gah!

Anywho, I don't see why so many people blame doctors. I understand that over the years they have gotten a bad name from a few "doctors" who believe it is ok to over charge and do unnecessary procedures. But most doctors just want to help. The majority of people in medicine don't do it for the money, though it is nice. If we were doing it for the money, we wouldn't be doing medicine because the initial costs are so high! I owed over $250,000 in loans on the day I graduated from medical school, and in just a few short weeks all those loans will begin to accrue interest at incredible rates of 6.8% and 8%.

I wish Mr Lehrer had addressed actual ways to lower healthcare costs other than having a government mandated payer system. If you want to lower healthcare costs in the US, stop whining and take care of yourself! It is so much cheaper in the long run to eat good food, exercise, and stay clean. The most common cause of high blood pressure is dehydration and extra weight. The most common reason for knee replacement/back surgery/gallbladder removal is obesity.

But I get it. Who wants to get their butt off the couch? Why should I take care of myself when no one else does? Why do I pay to go to the hospital when all the other people there are on Medicare/Medicaid and don't have to pay? Why would I drive to the hospital when I could just get a "free" ambulance to take me and my baby with diaper rash in? Why should I get a job when I can just get on disability and have the government pay my bills? Why should I take care of my children, they can walk and take care of themselves right?