My heart broke when I heard the news last night. Though she and her husband live far away from me, I had been attentively following the progress of her pregnancy through the wonders of the internet.
How do you express the grief and devastation you feel for someone when you're so far away?
I struggled in sending her a message to convey my condolences, because, how do you tell someone whom you rarely talk to that you grieve for them? That you would wish away their pain? That though you yourself have never felt such a grievous loss, you are crying for them?
I don't know how to talk to her about it and I probably won't because by the time I might see her, it will be months from now. And then how would I bring it up?
As I think about this tragedy, I contemplate my future in medicine. I know that someday, one day, not too far in the future, I will be the doctor giving the news of a loved one's death. I don't think I will ever be able to do so without crying.
Last month, I stood by as my attending physician broke the news to family after family. Working in an ICU, this is an incredibly common occurance. I teared up each time.
It will be worse in Pediatrics. Far worse. And when I think of it, I dread having children of my own, to spare myself the potential heartache. Because no matter what stage you lose a child in, you have lost a child and a parent should never have to bury their child.
But we can't think like this. If we thought this way with everything, would we ever truly live?
We have to take those chances in life in order to experience life.
We have to push past the doubts that plague every decision and live. We have to live.