Sunday, June 16, 2013

Father's Day 2013

I'm usually not so openly emotional. But it's been a rough week, alcohol and chocolate aren't enough, and I need to release some emotions.

This is for all those who are without their dad today. Whether it is because of distance or disagreement, divorce or death, he is not with you for a reason, and I get it.

This is my first father's day without my Dad. It hasn't been an easy day and it's only lunchtime... Ok, let's be honest, it's been a shitty day and a shitty week. I have a sneaky suspicion next week won't be great either. 

I miss him. I really do. He isn't there anymore. And I took it for granted when he was. Even when I knew we didn't have him for much longer, I still took each day for granted. I didn't call as much as I should have. I didn't ask for the answers to all the questions tumbling around in my brain, even though he always knew the answer to everything. I didn't say "I love you" enough.

This isn't survivor's guilt or some other form of that. It is grief. It is knowing that even though I'm doing exactly what you always knew I would be best at, it breaks my heart that you don't get to see me do it.

This isn't a sympathy ploy either. I have been so blessed by my dad and by the other father figures in my life. If you ask me, I have had more than my fair share of amazing father figures. And they have all been wonderful! From the dad's of friends who always watched out for me and loved me as a daughter, the church leaders who were spiritual fathers, to the Coffee Guys who have been outstanding substitutes. My cup overflows with fatherly love and support. 

Nonetheless, today is a bittersweet day.

I think about Father's Days of the future and helping the father of my future children to celebrate but all the while knowing my kids will never know you. And you were so great with kids. Your whole being lit up when they were around. And I wish my kids would have been able to meet you.

So friends, as you celebrate this day with your dad, take time to remember those of us who are without our dads today and may be hurting a little more than usual. Remember how precious this time with your dad is, and don't take for granted these special moments. Life is fleeting.

Also, remember to honor the people who are stand-in dads: the step-dads, single moms, grandfathers, and all around good people who step up to the plate when a father figure is needed. They are stronger than any of us know. Being a dad is so much more than donating half of the DNA.

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